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The Current Goal

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So this weekend the only thing I’ve been focused on doing with my life is becoming Instafamous, Twitterfamous, and Regular Famous. What does that mean? I want to be somebody big with doing something little. Yes, my goal in life right now is to become a quasi-celeb via internet. Bloggers are seen as the filth of the world, but I’m okay with that. All I ever wanted to be was the next Britney Spears, but soon she’ll want to be the next brookitaa. Here’s my thought process why being instafamous is so wonderfully fabulous.

Pros:

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a) I can live in the Cyber Universe and refuse a 9-5 job.

b) I will be forced to look good and be funny at all hours of the day.

c) I have to shower and get out of bed to please my cyber fans.

d) I can try out new crazy things without anyone judging me.

e) I will exceed 12 likes on an Instagram photo and (HOPEFULLY!) finally get a retweet.

Cons:

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a) I will live in the Cyber universe.

b) I will be forced to look good at all hours of the day. (I’m always funny.)

c) I have to shower and get out of bed to please my cyber fans.

d) I have no cyber fans. I am a cat lady for all you know.

e) I have no talents.

After a long conversation with Amanda – aka a 1-minute conversation during our slumber party in my gorgeous bed (see below) as we both were passing out from alcohol and exhaustion – we came up with a few options for my soon-to-be cyber success.

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1. I can make a fashion blog like every other <120 lb. 20-something girl living in NYC.

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Issues: I’m not the most fashionable sister (Sammy dresses me every single day), oh and I’m currently living in Misery AKA Missouri (term coined by my immigrant grandfather). I’ll go broke just trying to find followers. Oh, and clothes don’t look extra fabulous on a mere 60 inches of bod…

2. I can become a Celiac Guru.

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Issues: I already am, and people are annoyed by it. How many times can I make a joke about Gee Eff? That’s so freshman year. And also I sound super obsessed with food, which is untrue because I’m obsessed with snacks, not food. Yes, I live on a diet of cookies, chips, and high-calorie snickity snacks. And talking about gluten, health, and the medical field all day sounds like a snooze fest. Like, as if.

3. I can have a web series.

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This seems like the only viable option. Have you watched #CandidlyNicole on AOL? (AOL is still a thing.) It is actually my life only with better clothes and chicer guests. Nicole Richie, I’m the next you. You are the inspiration towards my meal ticket and future quasi-celeb status. No T No Shade, I’m coming for you.

So here’s the plan, not that anyone is reading this. I will make a hilarious web series that is really just my actual life in the midwest. I have a big mouth on a little body, and people actually smile and respond to conversations out here unlike the east coast. It shouldn’t be THAT hard. Then, I will become the E! News Host. Simultaneously, I will open my own gluten free bakery (follow my insta @WhatTheGF) and have a reality series – a more hilarious version of Georgetown Cupcake. Eventually I will hang out with David Franco and the next Disney star at the Kids Choice Awards, have my own Sears clothing line, and eventually be in a Skechers ad – hopefully for their Bobs aka Toms rip offs. It’s gonna happen, bitches. Mark my wordpress words. Until then, like and follow me on errthang and boost my morale. If you don’t, I won’t even know because as far as I’m concerned, no one is reading this.

peace, love, yo momma,

brookitaa

B is back

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Okay, so like 16 months later but bitches, I be back. And dis blog is getting a reboot. Here are some updates for you 3 people that read this – aka my mom, my pledge mom, and some creepy 40-something who is feeding her/his cats and growing out her/his leg hair and toenails. But, regardless, hay to you all.

Updates since I wrote this mediocrely funny slash hot mess of a blog…

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1. I haven’t grown. I still stack up to a sparkly 60 inches. But my hair – all over my body – has grown out to make up for my lack of height. So I groom myself 4 times a day.

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2. I’m now a mothatruckin’ senior at WashU and trying to figure out my life. This is me trying out my life as Yoda, with my BFF Al-why-ssa aka Lara Croft. As you can see, I am lost in a galaxy far far away.

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3. I’ve realized that I have 30,000 passions and no time to deal with all of them. So, instead of having 58 blogs, I’ll have this one. Okay, so what do you need to know? Diva Chic is now the blog of a dirty blonde nugget child with hot pink nails, natural caffeine running through her veins, and about a hundred desires to fit into her teeny tiny virtual corner of the world. For example, this is me as a bartender – just one of the 9,253 professions I hope to master by the age of 22… (continue reading)

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4. I turned 21 last week. I have a lot to do in 12 months. Bring it on, world.

5. More has changed, but, like, I need shit to write about. Consider this the beginning of me…exposed. JK this isn’t a Kim/Ray J sex tape. This is just my attempt to channel all my “creativity” into one feed. Diva Chic: 30,000 Passions and No Career. Isn’t life funny? MWA

kissez,

brookitaa

True That: What Now?

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I finished “Mockingjay” yesterday. I feel like my world is falling down. By my world I mean Panem. What do I do now? Did it really end the way it did? Ugh, I can’t ruin it for you stubborn people out there who won’t start reading. But it’s time. Suzanne Collins, you were my girl. What were you thinking? I’m so sad. Write another one, please? I need it!!! Miss you, Katniss. I guess Jennifer Lawrence can pretend to be you for a few films? I guess I’ll deal.

Now I’m starting “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” by Tucker Max. Wow, he’s an asshole. But at least he knows it. He know how to keep me entertained on my commute. Cool chapter I read yesterday on the train, Tuck. The woman next to me read over my shoulder on our way home. We both learned about the girl who burped after she gave you a blowjob. Awkward. My mom tried to get me to read “50 Shades of Grey” but I thought it’d be too sexual to read in public. Oops. Guess I’ll read that one next…

What I Want: Thuggets

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I actually hate kids. But check out these Thuggets: Thug Nuggets.

Chelsea Handler, don’t try to steal this term. I have my eye on you.

I wanna eat them up. They look like deep fried chicken nuggets (a term I use when someone is extra nugget-y and super delicious).

As a normal nugget (not Thug), I have an appreciation for small things. Check out these other teeny tiny finds.

Can I have an extra extra small Tall Orange Mocha Frappuccino!

Kicks for Thuggets.

Honey, I shrunk the soda. Do you think it has less calories? Now I wanta Fanta.

Converse for nugget feet. Awkward, that’s probably my size.

Talk about a feast. Hey, it’s Franklin!

Everyone loves cute, tiny things. Don’t we all wish we were size 8 Juicy terry cloth pants again? Is that just me?

Small, Small Smooches,

brookitaa

Focus on: Kisses

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Lipstick, in my world, has been all the rage for a few years now. Bright Barbie pinks, deep sultry reds, even a dark magenta. Most people comment when I wear a solid colored lipstick, but imagine what they’d say if I wore one of these? Check out these awesome pictures of sexy kissies. Just don’t get lippy with me.

Bright pink. Mwa.

Perfect for V-Day.

If only I had this for Dayglow…

Talk about sweet kisses. Are those pits okay to swallow?

So Harajuku.

Rawr.

Panda-licious. So cute! But don’t try this one at home.

Cheetah chic. Want to try something like this at home? Try ordering one of these Violent Lip Temporary Tattoos. Kendall and Kylie Jenner did it, so that obviously means they’re super hot right now.

Yummy.

Bejeweled. Are those Swarovski? I wonder if they peel off like Carrie Bradshaw’s bejeweled cell phone. Want to see another version of this? Check out my Twitter background. And follow me while you’re at it.

Smooches,

brookitaa

PS Be careful with when you choose to wear a splash of color on your luscious lips – someone might just want to kiss it all off. Smudgy…

Hungry Gamin’

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So if you don’t keep up with my other writing, you have no idea about my obsession with Suzanne Collins’ series The Hunger Games. It’s amazing. If you’ve been dead for the past few weeks that means you haven’t seen the movie. It’s time. Go see it. But first, read the book.

Anyway, here are some awesome pics I found relating to my true love: The Hunger Games.

Girl on Fire. Will these melt my iPhone?

May the odds be ever in your favor!

It’s funny because it’s true.

I realized something amazing today. Arrows=Hunger Games+Pi Beta Phi. My two favorite things in the world come together into a trendy, awesome, epic story. Thanks, Katniss. You kick ass.

Are these gluten free? Katniss, expect these from District 14 (the newest District in Panem) during the next Games. You’re welcome.

This is unreal. Imagine opening your Oreo and finding a mockingjay shaped cream center. Ugh, you gluten-full people get to have all the fun. But OMG, if only.

Team Peeta? Really? Cute name. Let’s keep the name morphing to the Brangelinas of the world. But you still look cute, Joshy.

This is problem 6? Really? I hope problem 1 is what happens if they have to go number 2. I always wondered that when I watched Survivor

TOMS you always know how to put the universe back at peace. So altruistic. Thank you.

Do they sell these at Apple? Or at those ghetto movable trolleys at the mall? Either way, I want need one.

Get it, Catnip. We know you’re hungry.

I actually think you’d die while having a drink with Haymitch.

But really, this is me. I’m the worst sharer ever. ESPECIALLY when it comes to food. No, you can’t have a bite. Back off.

Want to read more of my Hunger Games articles? Check out the links below:

Why YOU Should Read The Hunger Games (College Candy)

Little Known Facts About Jennifer Lawrence (College Candy)

The Best of The Hunger Games (College Candy)

Here’s Why The Hunger Games is Just Like College (Crushable)

The 74th Annual Hunger Games Tributes (Crushable)

But what you REALLY need to do is start by reading the book. Okay, thanks.

brookitaa

True That

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Titanic 3D comes out today. I was too young to see it in theaters when it came out so I can’t wait to finally see it on the big screen. But I don’t understand – we get to see Leo looking damn cute and then we’ll see a current picture of him on a yacht rather than a cruise ship? Umm…

Is it just me or did his entire head triple in size? Oh well, you still have my heart, Jack.

What I Want

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Literally all I’m craving is fresh fruit. I don’t even like fruit. Who wants to take the time to cut me cute little hearts? Maybe I’ll actually eat something healthy then. The watermelon in St. Louis is missing sugar and water. It’s like a bad chaser. Mmm, summertime fruit in NY – can’t wait.

Focus On: Braids

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“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your long hair!” We all remember R’s braid that stretched for hundred of feet/yards (I’ve always had spatial issues…) and eventually brought her savior and new boy toy to her rescue. They shared dinner, and dessert, and they all lived happily ever after. Everyone should grow their hair in just like Rappy! Seriously?

Hell no. No one’s had hair this long in years, unless they can’t afford toilet paper and all they have is their locks. Gross. But all joking aside, braids are the chicest of the chic.

Hair braids can make you look effortlessly awesome, beachy, laid back, hot, diva, and anything else you can think of. Long day ahead? Throw on an off-the-should shirt like this chick did and braid your long locks to the side.

Big event? A long, thick braid down the center of your back can make you look important and sexy. PS I want this dress…

If you want to look a little more girly, make two braids with a middle part and pin them together in the back. True story: I once did my hair like this (on my own, uy) in the 4th grade. Ms. Mendel told me I looked like a hippie. I thought I looked Diva Chic. I was either behind the times or ahead. It was 2001. I was a natural-ish blonde back then.

I obviously single-handedly inspired LC. Check out the wannabe here. Ugh. One side braid. She couldn’t even handle both of them. Whatever. This picture was taken AFTER I rocked this look to Junior Prom as a sophomore. I was a nugget/Facebook whore back then and had the most golden locks in all of the land. Check it.

You can suck it, LC. Mine’s better because it has a side part. And that’s an M Missoni shirt that I wore as a dress. Obviously skinnier than you are, Lauren “Laguna Beach” Conrad. JK I used to love you pre-Hills. But why didn’t you go to college? Like, get an education. Beauty Fashion School Drop Out…

Feeling precious? Throw a bow on the bottom of your side braid. Want more bows? Check out the Focus I did on them here. This is super British, too. Remember Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging? They def wore this look on the weekend when they didn’t have to wear their school uniform beret.

And finally, if you feel like frolicking in an open field with your bestie or sister (or both), try this look. Can you say inseparable? Hope you don’t get into a fight and try to run away from each other. Ouch.

Okay, have other stuff to do.

Braids, Blondies, and Barbie,

brookitaa

Fun fact: I can’t braid my own hair. Or anyone else’s for that matter. My braiding career started and ended in pre-school when we braided challah for Shabbat.

True That

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Currently sitting in my Feature Article Writing class and we just read this article. There’s scientific evidence as to why Adele’s single, “Someone Like You” makes people cry. Seriously? We all know it’s just because of her British accent. “Fank you.”