The Current Goal

Tags

britney spears, brookitaa, candidly nicole, celebrities, celiac, david franco, disney channel, entertainment, famous, gluten free, i want to be famous, instafamoust, kids choice awards, make me famous, nicole richie, skechers, twitterfamous, web series, whatthegf

So this weekend the only thing I’ve been focused on doing with my life is becoming Instafamous, Twitterfamous, and Regular Famous. What does that mean? I want to be somebody big with doing something little. Yes, my goal in life right now is to become a quasi-celeb via internet. Bloggers are seen as the filth of the world, but I’m okay with that. All I ever wanted to be was the next Britney Spears, but soon she’ll want to be the next brookitaa. Here’s my thought process why being instafamous is so wonderfully fabulous.

Pros:

a) I can live in the Cyber Universe and refuse a 9-5 job.

b) I will be forced to look good and be funny at all hours of the day.

c) I have to shower and get out of bed to please my cyber fans.

d) I can try out new crazy things without anyone judging me.

e) I will exceed 12 likes on an Instagram photo and (HOPEFULLY!) finally get a retweet.

Cons:

a) I will live in the Cyber universe.

b) I will be forced to look good at all hours of the day. (I’m always funny.)

c) I have to shower and get out of bed to please my cyber fans.

d) I have no cyber fans. I am a cat lady for all you know.

e) I have no talents.

After a long conversation with Amanda – aka a 1-minute conversation during our slumber party in my gorgeous bed (see below) as we both were passing out from alcohol and exhaustion – we came up with a few options for my soon-to-be cyber success.

1. I can make a fashion blog like every other <120 lb. 20-something girl living in NYC.

Issues: I’m not the most fashionable sister (Sammy dresses me every single day), oh and I’m currently living in Misery AKA Missouri (term coined by my immigrant grandfather). I’ll go broke just trying to find followers. Oh, and clothes don’t look extra fabulous on a mere 60 inches of bod…

2. I can become a Celiac Guru.

Issues: I already am, and people are annoyed by it. How many times can I make a joke about Gee Eff? That’s so freshman year. And also I sound super obsessed with food, which is untrue because I’m obsessed with snacks, not food. Yes, I live on a diet of cookies, chips, and high-calorie snickity snacks. And talking about gluten, health, and the medical field all day sounds like a snooze fest. Like, as if.

3. I can have a web series.

This seems like the only viable option. Have you watched #CandidlyNicole on AOL? (AOL is still a thing.) It is actually my life only with better clothes and chicer guests. Nicole Richie, I’m the next you. You are the inspiration towards my meal ticket and future quasi-celeb status. No T No Shade, I’m coming for you.

So here’s the plan, not that anyone is reading this. I will make a hilarious web series that is really just my actual life in the midwest. I have a big mouth on a little body, and people actually smile and respond to conversations out here unlike the east coast. It shouldn’t be THAT hard. Then, I will become the E! News Host. Simultaneously, I will open my own gluten free bakery (follow my insta @WhatTheGF) and have a reality series – a more hilarious version of Georgetown Cupcake. Eventually I will hang out with David Franco and the next Disney star at the Kids Choice Awards, have my own Sears clothing line, and eventually be in a Skechers ad – hopefully for their Bobs aka Toms rip offs. It’s gonna happen, bitches. Mark my wordpress words. Until then, like and follow me on errthang and boost my morale. If you don’t, I won’t even know because as far as I’m concerned, no one is reading this.

peace, love, yo momma,

brookitaa

Hungry Gamin’

Tags

apple, apple store, arrows, book, brangelina, catnip, College Candy, collegecandy.com, Crushable, crushable.com, cupcakes, district 14, drink, gf, gfree, ghetto, girl on fire, gluten, gluten free, haymitch, Hunger Games, hunger games movie, hunger games problems, hungry, hungry hippos, iphone, iphone case, josh hutcherson, katniss, katniss everdeen, mall, may the odds be ever in your favor, mockingjay, OMG, oreos, peeta, peeta mellark, pi beta phi, sharing, Suzanne Collines, suzanne collins, team peeniss, the arena, the games, The Hunger Games, the low down, THG, TOMS, trolley, true love, true that

So if you don’t keep up with my other writing, you have no idea about my obsession with Suzanne Collins’ series The Hunger Games. It’s amazing. If you’ve been dead for the past few weeks that means you haven’t seen the movie. It’s time. Go see it. But first, read the book.

Anyway, here are some awesome pics I found relating to my true love: The Hunger Games.

Girl on Fire. Will these melt my iPhone?

May the odds be ever in your favor!

It’s funny because it’s true.

I realized something amazing today. Arrows=Hunger Games+Pi Beta Phi. My two favorite things in the world come together into a trendy, awesome, epic story. Thanks, Katniss. You kick ass.

Are these gluten free? Katniss, expect these from District 14 (the newest District in Panem) during the next Games. You’re welcome.

This is unreal. Imagine opening your Oreo and finding a mockingjay shaped cream center. Ugh, you gluten-full people get to have all the fun. But OMG, if only.

Team Peeta? Really? Cute name. Let’s keep the name morphing to the Brangelinas of the world. But you still look cute, Joshy.

This is problem 6? Really? I hope problem 1 is what happens if they have to go number 2. I always wondered that when I watched Survivor…

TOMS you always know how to put the universe back at peace. So altruistic. Thank you.

Do they sell these at Apple? Or at those ghetto movable trolleys at the mall? Either way, I want need one.

Get it, Catnip. We know you’re hungry.

I actually think you’d die while having a drink with Haymitch.

But really, this is me. I’m the worst sharer ever. ESPECIALLY when it comes to food. No, you can’t have a bite. Back off.

Want to read more of my Hunger Games articles? Check out the links below:

Why YOU Should Read The Hunger Games (College Candy)

Little Known Facts About Jennifer Lawrence (College Candy)

The Best of The Hunger Games (College Candy)

Here’s Why The Hunger Games is Just Like College (Crushable)

The 74th Annual Hunger Games Tributes (Crushable)

But what you REALLY need to do is start by reading the book. Okay, thanks.

brookitaa

Friday Flav

Tags

Aquamarine, Cee Lo Green, channing, channing tatum, Coco, Crazy, cuba gooding, Cuba Gooding Jr, female wrestlers, Friday Flav, gf, GF rice krispies, gluten free, hot, Ice Loves Coco, Ice-T, Kenan, Kenan and Kel, Khloe & Lamar, Khloe Kardashian, kim kardashian, Lamar Odom, lobster claws, Monmouth, Monmouth Duo, SNL, Snow Dogs, sorry kim, St. Louis Weather, the low down, white teeth

It’s Friday and the sky has been peeing for the past few hours. St. Louis weather kills me. Like, just decide if it’s winter or spring. I wore a t-shirt to class last week, and now I feel like one of the snow dogs from that Disney movie with Cuba Gooding Jr., “Snow Dogs.” So convenient. This puppy is so cold and fierce. If only my eyes were aquamarine. (Secretly love the movie Aquamarine. If you know what that is, be my friend.)

Well, at least there’s a Khloe & Lamar marathon on today. Kisses. Lamar is a chocolate dipped pretzel rod with the education of a chocolate dipped pretzel rod, and Khloe is a badass ball of deep-fried Armenian falafel. So delish. Look at this picture and imagine Lamar as a chocolate covered pretzel rod and Khloe as a piece of falafel. It’s so true.

At least they’re not a bulldog like Ice-T or a female wrestler like Coco. Baby got back. (Sorry, Kim K.)

There was just a commercial of Cee Lo Green promoting Vegas. He’s actually all the rave right now with his short lobster claws for hands and blinding white teeth. He always looks out of breath. I actually feel my arteries clogging up when I watch him try to perform. Does that make me crazy? Maybe I’m crazy.

Julia (hi!) sent me the best description of Cee Lo ever – he’s a bald chocolate gummy bear. Unreal. Thanks Kenan. I miss Kel, but you’re doing great. Chocolate Gummy Nugget Lobster Man (Hi Channing, yum).

What a diva celeb-studded post. Friday flav.

The thought of Cee Lo is making me hungry. Where are my GF Rice Krispies (Zucker, you get me).

Happy Friday. Monmouth Duo tonight, have to rest up. Bring your A game.

brookitaa

Wednesday Wake Up

Tags

blair, blake lively, brookitaa, chic, diva chic, e! news, gf, giuliana rancic, gluten free, gluten free beer, gossip girl, paris, pi beta phi, serena, the low down, vera wang, wednesday wake up

It’s Wednesday and I don’t have class until 2:30pm so I’m being a bum right now. I’m laying in my turquoise bed with my turquoise laptop avoiding the day. I’m supposed to work out at 12:15 but it’s just not happening today.

Last night when I thought of the idea to start my own blog, Amanda (my Big, mwa Pi Phi) and I thought it should be super Gossip Girl. Instead of “S by S” it could be “B by B.” But those damn art kids said it’s too many B’s and resembles “BYOB.” BBYB is Better Bring Your Own (Gluten Free) Beer. Duh. But I guess Diva Chic will do for now.

Gossip Girl… I still watch that. Embarrassing. But since it’s Wednesday morning I need to catch up on all of my Tuesday night TV – New Girl, Glee, 90210, and Ringer (yes, I’m one of the five people nationwide who watch this show). I mean, just because Sarah Michelle Gellar packed on some pounds doesn’t make her any less hot than Buffy, right? Not. The show kills me slowly but I just need to know what Siobhan is up to you Paris.

Um, Paris. Why don’t I live there? I’m obviously chic enough. Not. I’m in the central time zone right now. Kill me. I don’t even get to watch shows at primetime, they always air during dinner at 7pm. If I really was chic I’d eat dinner at 9:45. So persian. Hey, Great Neck! Hometown Glory.

Oh em gee, no one is going to read this. That’s okay, I know Lara will (hi)!

So back to Gossip Girl… those poser actresses got to wear Vera Wang dresses for two episodes. Bitches. Blake Lively, your top lip doesn’t move but you get to wear a blush pink Vera Wang bridesmaid dress. Remember when you lost your virginity on a beach in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? No? I do. Cool nose back then. Gimme that dress.

At least E! News covered the dress instead of those random CW specials in between shows and commercials. Giuliana, watch out. I’m coming for your job.

Okay, cool Wednesday morning post. I need to get up already. Or maybe just watch TV instead. I think I’m going to have a Free Range Cookie for breakfast. Don’t tell Mom.

xoxo,

brookitaa

P.S. This is me in Paris being Diva Chic in a diva chic bed.